In home therapy ended last week, it’ll be about a week before outpatient therapy can start so I went to the gym! I can be found on my bed for the next eleventy hundred hours.
I truly didn’t do anything that would be considered overdoing it. I only did 5 minutes on the bike, then went through the home routine she left me, plus a few arm workouts with lowest weight dumbbell.
Driving back home was incredibly difficult and it’s less than a mile drive. This was my concern being discharged from in home therapy. When doing inpatient and in home therapies, if we pushed it was ok, I could get right into bed. (as opposed to in/out/in/out of the car, driving, walking from car, etc.
I’ve been in bed since getting home 2 hours ago. Pain med taken, maybe took the edge off but barely. I’m frustrated that such a small workout took me down like this. I’m frustrated with how very many times I’ve had to “start over”. I’m just frustrated! Yes I know it’ll get better, I know I’ll continue to build strength and endurance but right now, in this moment, I’m angry and yes, frustrated.
This is my reality, and the reality for my family who sees this up close and personal day after day. All my smiles and insistence that “I’m fine” fall on deaf ears as far as they’re concerned because they SEE the things I think I’m hiding.
I won’t give up, no worries. Sometimes I just want to SCREAM in rage at this stupid disease and the never ending cycle of flare, recover, repeat. I want things to change but all the wanting and working hard just doesn’t matter when dealing with a chronic illness like Myositis. I know that continuing to want more for myself will at least always help mentally I’m just tired today of the physical failings of my body.