I’m...so...FRUSTRATED!

In home therapy ended last week, it’ll be about a week before outpatient therapy can start so I went to the gym! I can be found on my bed for the next eleventy hundred hours.

I truly didn’t do anything that would be considered overdoing it. I only did 5 minutes on the bike, then went through the home routine she left me, plus a few arm workouts with lowest weight dumbbell.

Driving back home was incredibly difficult and it’s less than a mile drive. This was my concern being discharged from in home therapy. When doing inpatient and in home therapies, if we pushed it was ok, I could get right into bed. (as opposed to in/out/in/out of the car, driving, walking from car, etc.

I’ve been in bed since getting home 2 hours ago. Pain med taken, maybe took the edge off but barely. I’m frustrated that such a small workout took me down like this. I’m frustrated with how very many times I’ve had to “start over”. I’m just frustrated! Yes I know  it’ll get better, I know I’ll continue to build strength and endurance but right now, in this moment, I’m angry and yes, frustrated.

This is my reality, and the reality for my family who sees this up close and personal day after day. All my smiles and insistence that “I’m fine” fall on deaf ears as far as they’re concerned because they SEE the things I think I’m hiding.

I won’t give up, no worries. Sometimes I just want to SCREAM in rage at this stupid disease and the never ending cycle of flare, recover, repeat. I want things to change but all the wanting and working hard just doesn’t matter when dealing with a chronic illness like Myositis. I know that continuing to want more for myself will at least always help mentally I’m just tired today of the physical failings of my body.

Planks...and stuff.

Still doing the plank challenge but I had to adapt it for my own strength, or lack thereof haha. Here is how I've done it so far:

Day 1:    Plank hold 10, rest 10, 3 times.
Day 2:    Plank hold 15, rest 10, 3 times.
Day 3:    Plank hold 20, rest 10, plank hooooold darn almost to 20, rest 10, hold 15, done.
Day 4:    They think I'm ready to jump to 25? Ha! Repeat of Day 3.
Day 5:     Um, really, I tried to get to holding 25.
Day 6:    Plank hold 25, rest 10, 3 times, YES!
Day 7:    RESTED!

I've gone back to increasing my squat amounts along with this program and went back to using weights with my arms. Tonight will be a Plank night again.

Yesterday was just an off day with organization. As the week progressed I was doing less and less of the "extra" post-it notes, and by yesterday felt very down with accomplishing none of the tasks on the extras. I pulled out my planner at the end of the night to write in what I had done for the day. Before I started transferring the finished tasks into my planner (from the calendar post-it notes) I wrote "bad day" off to the side of the day's planner entry. I looked at the list in my planner and was pleasantly surprised to realize I had done all of my routine tasks plus a couple extras. Without realizing it! I had been feeling discouraged all day and almost let myself give up and chalk the less than stellar week of tasks off to my hurt foot...thankful I've kept up my "program" so I can see for myself that I actually am still getting things accomplished. Those are the days when I can see why Pam and Peggy ( Side-tracked Home Executives ) so strongly recommend attempting such big changes with a buddy (or several), to cheer each other on even when we feel like throwing in the towel.

Off to play some frisbee in the sunshine!

30 Day Plank Challenge

Okay I admit that I'm a little late to this party, but off I go! Youngest two are gleefully doing this, too. I apologize if I just made you spit out your drink or choke on something you just ate; let me rephrase to reflect reality--youngest two are doing this. Period. End of discussion. Hug hug warm fuzzies all around!

I've been using this chart:

I just completed Day 5 and that jump up to 40 seconds was rough (trembling was so bad in the last 10 seconds I bet there's a heightened Richter scale measurement!), and looking at the Day 30 hold of 5 minutes almost has me tossing the whole idea. Hold a plank for 5 full minutes?? Seriously, who has 5 full minutes. 

With my panic in full swing that I would never be able to build to that I hit up good old Google and decided to blog about it, too, hoping someone will do attempt this with me. Hey, you'll be doing my kids a favor! I found this Plank Challenge and, with the hold times being broken up, I know I can do this! I love that this shows options for the plank positions, too.

http://healthandwellnessmentor.com/fitness/january-2013-challenge/

The kids are sort of building their own challenge. I had them take the position and hold it for as long as they could the first day, and as long as they at least hold that amount or increase by at least 1 second each day, I approve. After seeing the above photos, I realize they could have been using their knees but um, well, we all make mistakes, right? Guess I'll take that drill sergeant cap and whistle off....

Let me know if you're doing this, too by commenting!