Ups and Downs and All Arounds

Yesterday was a not so bad day, like really not bad day, like verging on a good day! I was able to get more walking in, increasing from right after the surgery barely making it once around the building to yesterday getting up to 1.5 miles! Not all at once, it was broken up in little walks and steps around the house as well, and very slow, but still it all has felt good.

I've begun to realize that a pretty decent day is followed usually by a few steps back, and that's okay. I know that sounds negative but for me it is the beginning of acceptance of this disease. I don't mean I'm not fighting and won't keep fighting, heck no! I fully believe, however, that in order to fight I do have to learn to accept what this disease is and what this disease (diseases?) is doing to my body.

When I woke up this morning and got out of bed I felt incredible, I had that "normal" feeling, I walked NORMAL. I said to myself, maybe this is "spontaneous curedom!" In my behind the scenes reality mind I was saying "uh oh...prepare yourself...cherish these moments...." About a half hour later I started to prep my avocado and yea, there was that extra pain in the left hand and the burning that comes along with the tingling, on bad days, in my right hand and wrist. Then the knees started to stiffen. I've done a LOT around the house today, pushed myself; not to be dramatic but because if a downslide is coming as it feels like it is, I want to cram in as much as I can! (also my worrying loving 17yo daughter is out for the day, when I try to get actual cleaning done when she's home she fusses at her mama lol ) I'm hurting pretty good now, my body has finally said "yea NOPE, you're done," and I'm listening. As of right now I'm not upset. Maybe I'm a little frustrated but not terribly frustrated like I do get sometimes. I'm evolving, can you believe it?? 

PS 18 days until treatment begins!

Gluten Free and...BLAH

Once I post this, I'll brace myself for the backlash of naysayers and know-it-alls. I am two weeks gluten free and I feel..................NOT SO GREAT. I got my positive antibodies celiac panel results on October 29.

What is wrong with me? Article after testimonial after face-to-face after interview says, "you will feel amazing within a few day of being gluten free." I waited. I stuck with it. I ate fresh vegetables each day, made my own bread, and pizza dough, and even delicious chocolate chip cookies. I switched from my regular Cheerios to Chex. Not only do I not feel better, I feel worse, with a steady weight gain and feeling an overall sense of dragginess. I'm swollen more and my aches have increased, and I am not sleeping well, I'm foggy and emotional. I have not had one AHA moment. I just feel worse.

I'm frustrated and angry. People assume I'm just still eating junk food because I joke about it so much and because, well, I tend to be a snacker. (I can hear some people laughing right now at the minimization of that statement--oh, shut up!) I am screaming from the rooftops here, I HAVE BEEN EATING HEALTHY FOODS and NO gluten, save for 1 lone flour tortilla and a bowl of Cheerios about a week ago. This was supposed to be the Hallelujah choir awakening of my hidden, feeling better, self. I never expected to feel worse.

From all the reading I have been doing, and knowing my own body, I think it is safe to assume there are other foods I am reacting to. I know I have always had problems with corn and am just realizing there is some sort of corn (flour, meal, starch) in many things I've been eating recently. Sure, I could try to eliminate that as well; unfortunately I think there are others.  With 2 kids still in the house that are not gluten free, I don't see how I could practically track it all down. I'm not meaning to sound like a martyr (although isn't that my role as a mom??), I just don't feel that I can do this on my own, and continue to feel worse and wait up to 6 months to start feeling better.

I will continue to research and hope to find answers. I see a rheumatologist next month and hopefully that will narrow the possibilities into what is going on inside my body. Hey, I know what I need: OSMOSIS JONES! MAGIC SCHOOLBUS!! Hey Miss Frizzle, figure this out for me!

I am taking this seriously, trust me I want to feel better. I just don't see how this particular path is going to "work" right now.