Zachary had his first ever public meltdown today. Twelve years and autism, I guess I've been lucky. It is going on as I type; he and I are in the van now while M buys shoes I promised her. This is breaking my heart and making me angry at the same time! Trying to restrain my "typical" mother response because that only makes it worse with autism, yet the typical comes out at times anyway. I've never "cursed" autism before...I'm tempted in this moment. My precious child, my youngest-things are so hard for him and there is only so much I, or anyone, can do for him. But it is him, and so I won't ever curse it, not really. Thank you God for whatever lessons today has and will bring us. Thank you my amazingly mature 14 yo daughter, who kept her cool with me, in spite of what she saw unfolding.