Tuesday, November 8, 2011

We love Homeschooling!

Ah, the blissful sounds of children doing their schoolwork as mother prepares lunch. Youngest child espousing and demonstrating his newest international knowledge.

Yea, whatever. M wants to know what's the big deal if she only missed by "a hundred cents." D decides to make that second sandwich, after the first one made up of a pound of fabulously processed deli turkey didn't fill him up, rather than finish his math work. Z tells me all about the newest techniques he learned from Lego "Ninjago" tv episodes, then goes out to the living room (where studious D and M are sprawled out on furniture pretending to concentrate on math) to demonstrate. I look up in time to see what resembles the Tazmanian Devil tornado with Zachary sound effects spinning around the living room-then CRASH, THUNK, THUD, OUCH, BAM, CRASH, OUCH! Really, I did try not to laugh as I asked him if he was okay, I tried very very very hard. It is D and M's fault, they were laughing first, rotten kids. I got out to truly make sure that Z was alright, especially after noticing just how many things fell off the entertainment center--he replied "NO!" I asked him what hurts, he gave back a sarcastic "my BODY". Seriously Zach, you should've just added in the "DUH." So there I was, desparately trying to comfort the child but my body convulsions from laughing so hard just about knocked him back down. Dylan's description to Zach of what happened sent me over the edge into tear producing hysterics--especially because it was so accurate: "it all started with Zach going 'wooooooooo, NINJAGO, aaaaahhhhh'....he started spinning out of control, not watching where he was going, stepped on his lethal Ninjago Legos, fell over into the entertainment center, knocked over the sewing kit, fell onto the floor, there was a silent 3 seconds before he rolled over groaning, knocked into the entertainment center causing an avalanche of (you guessed it...) his stuff on the entertainment center that shouldn't be there like HIS Lego pen, HIS Lego army dude, and last but not least the candleholders...."

I went into the kitchen, after wiping away my tears, and finally started to stop laughing. Dylan asked me to make him a sandwich. I lamented that I don't understand why we can't be a "typical functioning homeschooling family." Dylan's reply was "Ms. Osmun--that's what I call the lunchlady--will you make me a sandwich?" Oh good LORD. No, I didn't make him one. Mallory kept shouting "BE QUIET I'M TRYING TO DO MY MATH!" (from the kid that wants the margin of error in math to be + or - 100....) Things settled down at that point-Dylan made his disgusting sandwich, Mallory stopped complaining, and Zachary was recouperating from the Lego induced injuries**(see Tim Hawkins link at bottom of this post!), so I sat at the computer to check my email. Well, you can not imagine the horror that came next: Z asked if he was good and ate all his lunch (a nutritionally microwaved piece of Ellio's pizza thankyouverymuch), could he do his math, too? I told him I thought that was very rude; unfortunately he took me seriously at first, nothing a smile and hug couldn't fix.

Our next lesson was about compassion and health. Dylan started talking about how sick he was, and vomit, and about how usually he's the last one sick and ends up having to take care of everyone else. Mallory complained about how lately she and Dylan are sick at the same time, and it's always a competition, and he always runs a bigger fever or throws up and it's not fair! Dylan kept talking about taking care of everyone, and talked about the time that Zach woke up in the middle of the night, and sat at the edge of the bathroom saying he was going to throw up. Dylan kept saying "come on Zach, come here Zach, come in the bathroom Zach, get to the toilet Zach...HURRY Zach..ZACH--ugh..." I don't think I should tell you what he got hit with from Zachary. Zach answered, "Dylan, I love you so much that when I start throwing up, I want you to be right there next to me."

Last statement to be quoted is Zach's absolutely perfect, sumsitallup words: "I love homeschooling at our house!"

**Tim Hawkins hilarious take on the dangers of Lego's

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